Step-by-Step Guide to Create Your Perfect Guest List

You might have thought creating your guest list for your wedding would be fun – and frankly – pretty easy.

But now that you’re attempting to actually draft the list, limit it to 120 people, AND not offend anyone, you’re starting to realize this is going to be trickier than you thought.

Not to worry! We understand and are here to help.

Follow these steps to create the perfect guest list for your wedding.

Step 1 – Determine the wedding size you can afford. This is something you will address when you start to create your wedding budget. (Check out my post for tips on how to determine your wedding budget – without starting to cry for more guidance on this topic.) Your guest number is often determined by your venue. You might have chosen a reception location that only allows 120 guests. In this case, this step is simple and already done for you! Whew! However, if your venue can hold 250 guests, it is important to crunch the numbers before you invite 250+ of your friends and family to attend. Click the button below to download my spreadsheet to help you estimate the cost of your reception with varying guest counts.

Download Your Calculator

It very important you understand how the number of people you invite to your wedding DIRECTLY impacts the amount of money you will spend on your entire wedding. So, after you crunch the guest count numbers and determine a size you financially feel comfortable with, you are ready to move on to step 2.

Step 2 – Brain-dump. Now that you know the maximum number of guests you can afford, you can begin to brainstorm all of the people you HOPE to be able to invite to the wedding. I suggest the bride and groom – and everyone who is financially contributing to the wedding – create his/her own separate list. This way everyone’s invite preferences can be heard and discussed.

Step 3 – Review and discuss. Once everyone has their “invite wish-list”, the group should sit down and compare the lists. The group is going to create a two-tiered guest list together.

Tier 1 will include “must invite” guests. Your wedding would be incomplete without these people attending your wedding.

Tier 2 will include guests you would like to include, if it is financially and logistically feasible, but you will not have a melt-down if they are not invited.

I suggest reviewing the lists in this manner:

First pass – Look for matches: Individuals who are mentioned on at least two lists should be moved to the Tier 1 wedding guest list.

Second pass – Categorize the leftovers: Take turns to review each person not listed on multiple lists and put him or her into either the “Yes” or “Maybe” category. (See my rules for each category below)

YES = Special friend or family member with whom you communicate on a regular basis. You could not imagine your wedding without this person. Add these people to your Tier 1 wedding guest list.

MAYBE = Friend or family member who is important to you but you are not going to feel empty if he/she does not attend the wedding. Add this individual to the Tier 2 wedding list.

After you have completed this first review session you will have your first draft of your Tier 1 guest list. This Tier 1 list will serve as your actual invite list for your wedding.

You will also have your Tier 2 guest list. This list can be referenced if Tier 1 guests are unable to attend the wedding and you still want to keep your guest count at a certain number.

Once you have defined these two tiered lists you are ready to move on to step 4.

Step 4 – Determine Your Risk Tolerance: Now that you have your first draft of your Tier 1 wedding guest list, let’s revisit your desired guest count number. Do you feel comfortable with this number of wedding guests? Is this number near where you hoped your number would be in step 1?

(Definitely use the guest count cost estimator spreadsheet to make sure you feel financially comfortable with this investment.)

If you’re in the ballpark of where you want to be, and you’re wondering how high you should push the boundaries of your guest count, I suggest you use the average RSVP attendance rates to help you predict how many of your invitees will actually attend your wedding.

Average Total RSVP Rate: 75%

Example: Send 200 invitations – 150 guests will actually attend your wedding

You can break it down even further by the following categories:

Local guests – 85%-90% attendance
Non local guests – 65%-75% attendance
Family: 85% attendance
Friends: 50% attendance

If you are happy with the guest count number and your list overall – Hooray! You have crafted the perfect guest list for your wedding! Congratulations!

However, if you’re still not happy with your guest list move on to step 5.

Step 5 – Determine Guest List Ground Rules (optional): If you still need to pare down your guest list, at this stage, it might be worth your while to implement over-arching guest list rules and apply them to your invite list.

Here are some ideas:

No Kids: Children are a complicated topic. However, deciding to make your wedding a kids-free zone can help you cut down your guest list and save money. Here’s how. First, saying no to kids often discourages parents who have kids from attending. Second, “no kids” instantly reduces your guest list and relieves you of feeling the need to offer a babysitting service in a room adjacent to the reception. Making your wedding a kids-free zone definitely has its advantages.
No Co-workers Rule: Sure, you are with these people 40+ hours per week. However, this is by no means a reason to invite them to your wedding. Only invite co-workers who are also close friends. If it’s hard to choose which co-workers to invite and exclude, consider implementing a “no co-workers” rule. This will help you cut down your guest list while not hurting anyone’s feelings. Win-win!
Ditch the Past: Make a pac to not invite long lost high school or college friends. If you’re only communicating with them through social media – they are out! Also, another good question to ask yourself is, “In 10 years do I still plan to be friends with this person?”. The answer to this question can be very telling and help you decide whether to include them in your guest list or not.
Only Invite Immediate Family Members: For those of you who come from large families, this is definitely a rule you might consider implementing. Now, before you eliminate any family members, consider the possible unintended consequences. You do not want to offend drama-queen, Aunt Thelma, by not inviting her to your wedding, causing her to passive-aggressively complain about this decision to your mother on a regular basis. Yikes. Therefore, definitely think it through before implementing this rule! That being said, there is no reason a distant cousin you speak to once every other year must be invited to your wedding. The “just because she is family” rule need not apply in all cases. I encourage you to review your family invites and make sure they are all “necessary*” guests before you invite them. (*Necessary=You love them very much and/or they must be included to keep peace within the family.)
Choose a Destination Wedding: Opting for a destination wedding is often a great way to reduce your wedding guest numbers and, in some cases, save on the wedding costs overall. Selecting a destination wedding often requires all guests to invest in airline tickets, hotel rooms and to take at least a day or two off of work to attend the wedding. This is a huge commitment. It will naturally weed out only acquaintances or distant friends/family you may have invited to the wedding. This will allow you the social grace to invite more people, knowing full well, they will not be able to attend. If you opt to go this route, you might also consider hosting an in-town party, on another date, for those friends and family not able to travel to the wedding. This in-town party is obviously must less extravagant than the actual reception, therefore saving you money overall. I advise you to crunch the numbers before making this decision.

Creating your guest list does take some finesse. However, I hope this guide helps you create your guest list with grace.

Next Steps:

1 – Download the Catering Cost Calculator to help you determine what your appropriate guest number should be.

Download Your Calculator

2 – Once the invitations have been sent, download the RSVP & Gift Tracker workbook to help you organize your guest responses, the gifts you receive and the thank you notes you send.

Download Your Guest RSVP & Gift Spreadsheet Here

3 – What tips and tricks helped you craft your perfect guest list? Please share in the comment section below so we can all help each other through this tricky process.

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